Of Realizations and Remembering

(You will come to realizations in your life that change you forever.)

I believe this. Whole heartedly I believe this. Not only have I spent much time learning things that I should have known long before, but I've watched many others do the same.
I've been saying "graduation pending" for several months now, and now it's finally here. One week. One week from this moment I will be sitting down to dinner with my family and friends who have supported me, dragged me through all-nighters, told me when my work was bad or good or complete shit.
Packing up my four years of college I can't help but remember the day I moved here. I could tell you exactly what I was wearing, what the weather felt like, getting out of the car and saying goodbye to my parents. I remember standing in front of the library, taking a deep breath and crossing the street to the theater for orientation. I was so incredibly excited that there was no room for nerves. As I packed today, I had to keep stopping and sitting down because my entire chest hurt so badly.
Am I not excited about life after next week? Of course I am. I get to move across the country and life becomes a whole new adventure that I am completely in charge of.
Maybe it was because going into college I knew that no matter what I was in this bubble of a safe environment. My friends were there, my entire social life, my education, hell I didn't even have to pay for anything until later (and I am currently regretting that decision a little.) Well, now the bubble is about to pop and I am leaving with a heavy debt, a heavy education, and a very heavy heart. At the same time, I'm extremely excited and wonder if college has just made me think more about reality than the bubble.

I wish I could take a photograph of my mind to describe the feeling that I constantly have. Its like being on one of those playground merry-go-round things where a few kids sit on it and hold onto the bars and another one runs around spinning it insanely. If you are on it and watch the kid across from you, they are perfectly still but the background is crazy. Take that as a photo, everything is still but moving at ridiculous speeds.
I sound crazy, I'm sure. But I kind of like this spinning. I don't feel sick yet, so that's good, and I don't quite want to get off. When I do, I'll know to tuck and roll though.